


It Counts As a Tip

by icantbelieveitsnotmeulin



Series: It's Not Delivery, It's My Boyfriend [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-28
Updated: 2013-08-28
Packaged: 2017-12-24 21:50:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/945054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icantbelieveitsnotmeulin/pseuds/icantbelieveitsnotmeulin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pizza makes you do silly things. Or maybe that's just the boredom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Counts As a Tip

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhat requested by http://meeeeeeeowwwww.tumblr.com/ loosely based on this post: http://the-candy-van.tumblr.com/post/59535913979/i-ordered-pizza-and-i-put-roxy-lalonde-for-the

You’re pretty sure this is how most bad pornos start.

In your defense, it started out as a small joke between you and your cat. You had a long night of writing up your team’s lab research, a task not taken on an empty stomach. It was tedious tasks like this that made you regret going into this field. Lab work? Great! Fantastic! You could spend hours in there fiddling around with their experiments. But putting your findings together properly and thoroughly was enough to put a three year old on speed to bed.

So you’d ordered a pizza. There was a special offer if you ordered online, and it saved you from having to go fish your cell out of wherever in your room it was hiding. Ordering online also gave you the option of checking up on your pizza’s birth from first dough kneading to the start of delivery. You checked up on it here and there, but didn’t pay it much mind until you saw the words you’d been waiting for.

“ **John** left the store with your pizza at 7:32 pm.”

"John, huh?" You wondered aloud, as Frigglish smoothly made his way onto your lap. You started absently petting his head out of reflex. " ‘s kinda weird how they tell ya the names of these guys, ya know Frig?" The black cat merely purred as you scratched behind his ears. "Guess it’s not so bad for th’ deliveryboy. Least I can probably assume it’s a boy." The position of pizza delivery driver usually fell to younger people trying to make a few bucks, after all. Or ones that think those adult movie tropes really happen. You got a chuckle out of that. "Yea, who just opens tha door in their skivvies goin’ ‘oh mista, I don’t have enough money, can I tip ya some other way?’" Your giggles turned into raucous laughs, and you nearly tip yourself over thinking about it. Man, how would some kid even react to that?

You went silent and sat upright again. Poor Frigglish was frozen in your lap as an idea formed in your mind. It was fantastic and terrible all at once. For one kid with a shitty job, you’d make it happen. Sort of.

Which brought you to now, standing in the main room of your apartment, fiddling with the ends of your hair and regretting this idea entirely.

This was stupid, but you needed something stupid and silly before you broke your laptop by slamming your face into it. Whoever said you should do studies on beetles was dumb. And it was their fault you were about to mess with the potential hormones of the delivery boy.

He should be here any minute, and you run over the whole of your plan in your head. The money was in your hand, enough for the pizza and a tip counted out. You had a short black silk robe on, to cover up in case it was some middle-aged man trying to feed his kids with a lame pizza job or something. What showed now, though, was the lacy black lingerie set you’d gotten in hopes of having a boyfriend to show it off to. Instead, it would be debuted to some unfortunate teen-

A knock came on the door, and a decidedly post-pubescent voice called “Pizza!”

Now more apprehensive than ever, you sneak up to your door. Slowly, you straighten yourself up until you can peer out the peephole and get a good look at your target. At which point you become cripplingly aware that you failed to consider the variable that he might be your age and hot.

You’d known a guy in high school, who started out as this big doofy nerd and them BAM! Puberty hit, and he went from big doofy nerd to _fucking gorgeous_ big doofy nerd. And it was clear that this specimen had gone through the same metamorphosis. You bite your lip as he rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet, humming briefly to himself before knocking on your door again. “Hello? Anyone home?”

Fuck it, you’re doing this. But not without one more thing. “Just a second!” You call in your best sing-song, rushing to tear part of you shopping list off the fridge so you can write down your number. You hurriedly scrawl your name and your ten digits on the slip before scrambling for the door again. You stand by, take a deep breath, make sure everything is in place, and you toss the door open before you can change your mind.

The shade of red his face turns looks adorable on him. His eyes shift quickly between your body and your face a couple times, as you lean your arm and upper body against the door, the hand holding the cash resting on your cocked hip. He stammers, trying to remember the words he was supposed to say, and you feel a coy smirk on your lips.

"P-Pizza!" he manages finally, holding the warm box out towards you. He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he glances at the receipt stapled onto the box. "Your total comes to $15.75." He looked into her eyes, worry etched into their blue as he weakly added, "Please tell me you have money because I’m pretty sure that’s illegal, even for pizza."

You snort with laughter and hold your arm up to your face, standing up from your ridiculous pose. “Yeah I’ve got it,” you reply, counting it out again to make sure it’s all there. “Sometimes ya just wanna mess with tha deliveryboy, ya know?” He’s still a bit red, but he laughs as you hand him the dough. “Not really,” he admits. “This has never happened to me before!”

"Oooh, glad ta be yer first!" You tease, taking the pizza from him and placing it carefully on the couch. It’s about then he notices the extra slip in with the money.

"Uhm, what’s this…?" He asks slowly, taking it out to look at it. He gives you the most bizarrely confused look, to which you just wink.

"Consider it an extra tip!" You say, and he smiles sheepishly before heading back down the stairs. And with that, you’ve done it. You made a fool of yourself, gave a hot guy your number, and got pizza. This would be enough to last you through the rest of your work for sure.

-

Sometime around midnight, you can finally close out of Word, the report dragon slain once more. You flop onto your bed, sinking into its softness, when you catch something hard poking into your back. You reach under yourself and finally fish out your phone, which is blinking with a new text, one you find is from a number you don’t recognize.

"hi! it’s john. from the pizza thing? would you like to go to dinner sometime? something other than pizza, i promise. not that our pizza isn’t awesome! you should order from there more. just let me know! bye."

You can’t help but bust out into a grin. Maybe you should make stupid decisions more often.


End file.
